Alien Parents - The website about parental alienation.

This website is currently under contruction.
Please be patient as I'm bulding this in my spare time.

I go by the name of Xobb which is an alias to protect my identity and the identity of my children.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. I'm just someone who has experienced Parental Alienation.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental Alienation usually happens after a divorce or separation. In a nutshell...It’s when one parent forces the estrangement of their child, or children, from the other parent with the aim for eradicating that parent from their children’s lives. It is typically achieved by coercive control and psychological manipulation.

The aim of this website is raise awarness of parental alienation, to give information about the subject, to inform alienated parents and hopefully give them hope and strength. Please know that if have you been affected by parental alienation you are not alone. There are many of us out there. Keep yourself safe

Top Five Tips for Dealing With Parental Alienation

1. Don’t Blame Your Children
We see our kids as extensions of ourselves and sometimes it’s easy to forget they’re not adults. They are tiny humans whose minds are still developing and are easy to coerce. So it can be hard to see them say hurtful things about you or they may even lash out in some form. It’s not their fault.

Parental Alienation involoves manipulation and your child may act out negatively towards you. When this happens stay calm. Don’t scold them or chastise them...stay calm. Show them you love them. Ask then do they want to talk about it.

2. Don’t Bad Mouth Your Ex
You have to take the high ground here. You might think that telling your child that your Ex is making things up about/telling lies is a good defensive strategy. After all it makes sense to defend yourself against false allegation, right?

Unfortunately you would be wrong! Think about it. With Parental Alienation your child is being coerced to believe you are the bad guy. By defending yourself you have to say something negative about your Ex. Remember your kid is just a kid and by bad mouthing your Ex you will inadvertently prove your Exs point!

3. Limit Contact With Your Ex

Limit contact with your Ex and never respond immediately to text messages or emails form your Ex. Why? Because buttons are going to be pressed...your buttons!

In this mild example let’s say your Ex texts you to pick up the kids at 3.30pm and this time don’t be late. Hold on a minute! I’m never late!! I’ll show them.

You’ve now sent an angry message. It’s in writing.. Your Ex now has evidence for their lawyer, friends and family that you send threatening texts. Worst of all your Ex will show that message to your children. Trust me they will show it to them.

Instead take a breath. If you have to write something angry then open up a note taking app and write your reply in there. Don’t send it. Wait. Delete the note and send this message. “Hi, I’ll pick up the kids at 3:30pm.” Respond only to the real part of the message and ignore the insults and the button pushing. The aim is here is not feed the narcissists machine!

4. You Can't Change Your Ex
This may be hard to read but the alienating parent often does not realise the consequences or repercussions of their actions. In their world they have no comprehension they are behaving badly. There is very little you can do about it and it is futile to try and make them see sense. With Parental Alienation logic does not apply to the alienating parent. However there is on thing you can change...

5. ...You Can Change Yourself
Find your focus. Focus on your relationship with children (no matter what form that relationship takes right now) and most importantly focus on yourself and your mental health.

Find your support system. Your support system can include your friends and family, a support group and counselling. Make sure, at the very least you get counselling.

When you are mentally strong you are going to feel better about yourself and better equipped to work with your emotions. You will be in the right frame of mind to cope with all the crap that may or may not come your way.